Anything For You All: INSTANT MBA: The No. 1 sign your coworkers secretly hate you

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September 28, 2015

It's impossible to be liked by everyone — especially at the office. But you definitely don't want to be that person no one likes.

While your gut feeling often indicates when coworkers don't like you, there's another sign you can almost always rely on: a fundamental lack of trust.

"If they're skeptical about your intentions and act as if you have an underlying agenda, despite your attempts to work harmoniously, there's a very good chance you're disliked by coworkers," says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert.

Those who are mostly well-liked by their coworkers tend to have a brighter career future, according to Taylor, who wrote "Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job."

"Plus, when you have strong, healthy workplace relationships, you will be more effective and accomplished in your job," she says.

Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of "The Humor Advantage," agrees. He says when you get along well with your colleagues, your life is "so much easier." They'll be willing to do you favors, volunteer to help you in times of need, speak highly of you to upper management, and the list goes on.

If your coworkers don't trust you, Taylor says, they may feel threatened by you, and therefore uncooperative — providing minimal information and support.

"Your coworkers fear that if they're supportive, they'll give up power and embolden you and your career," she explains.

To the extent you must work with these people, "your best recourse is reassurance of your true intent, communicating your common goals, and diplomatically setting limits to specific unproductive behavior," she says.

interview, meeting, work, coworkers

Here are some things you can try:

1. Calmly ask if you can sit down and discuss a couple of project ideas, ideally over coffee. Offer to buy a few colleagues coffee and try and be vague if pressed about the agenda, Taylor suggests.

"You don't want to appear threatening and this, after all, is a project discussion ... it's how you're going to work better on projects. Plus, you're wise to start the conversation on a recent or current project to break the ice. Make sure the time you choose is convenient for them," she says.

2. Show them your true intent by asking if there's anything you can do to enhance the relationship. Listen more than you talk. That may help guide your discussion, she says.

"Then let your coworkers know what your goals are, that you are trying to achieve X, and help them see how your focus areas are delineated," she says.

Praise them for their unique expertise and be reassuring. Let them know that your project and functional goals are distinctly different.

3. Show them the light by explaining to them how you see several benefits of working together. In terms of your separate skills sets, using current and future projects as examples.

"Offer an olive branch," Taylor suggests. "Ask about their expertise so that you can bring them into projects and genuinely help them in their career. Focus on the fact that you share common goals and have much to gain by working in tandem."

4. Set limits diplomatically. If their behavior has been unacceptable, then you must go a step further, she says.

"Explain with diplomacy that the ill will is hurtful and that while you want to make things better, certain behavior such as X is not okay (e.g., badmouthing or rudeness in public). If things get out of hand and it's hurting your ability to work, you can talk to trusted colleagues, as there's power in numbers, and potentially consult your manager," she adds.

But first, do your best to solve your issue one-on-one with each colleague.

"Be patient — it may take some time," Taylor says.